The history and success of tradition Twelve-Step Programs, such as Alcoholic’s Anonymous, is not debated in recovery circles. These programs work for many people. But my experience with them has shown they did not work for me. Over and over, I find myself disappointed by the hollow recitation of ideas that do not resonate with me. The issue begins immediately with the first step, “I came to see that I was powerless against…(insert addiction).” Because one of the tenets of my faith is that I am not powerless in Creation. I believe I am an integral part of Creation. As I do not live in a state of separation this step rang false to me. I do not deny that I struggle with personal control at times, but I don’t believe I am powerless. Moving past that step, I stumbled on the next one, as well. Step two is about believing that a higher power can save me. I have spoken to those who do not believe in a higher power and have rejected the 12-step programs for this reason. And I have spoken to those who say, “You can use the Higher Power phrasing to get around Christian beliefs.” But the problem is that a belief in a Higher Power that solves your problems if you ask is, in and of itself, not part of my faith or practice.
I do believe in a Higher Power, but I do not believe God works in this way. I don’t believe God will take over my problems and solve them. In my belief system there is an entity more eternal and wise than myself: The Great I AM, All Father, Creation. This sentient power loves and cares for me. It is in all things and so always aware of me, even when I am not aware of it. Certainly, God, as I know God, helps me in so many ways. And as I attune myself to the natural laws that govern creation, I become a better person. But I believe we are all part of this Higher Power and it is part of us. My reason for existing is to give back to God, to solve my own problems, to be a good steward of the universal energy. Shamans are servants of Creation in a way. We always pay attention to our higher power, because interpreting it is part of our practice. We have guides and we pray, but we do not seek favors for ourselves. Most importantly, we do not live in some opposition or separation from God. I don’t believe there is separation. You can’t turn your life over to God, if your life is already part of God. This is not to say I can’t lose my way or become fixated on mundane matters. Shamans are not always, exceptionally good or spiritual people. But we are always striving to find harmony with Creation. So, to suggest that I would turn over my life to a Higher Power is to suggest that my life isn’t already component of a greater whole.
What then to do about addictions and compulsions and other disharmony? How do I solve these issues using tools that make sense to me?
These question will hopefully be answered as I continue to post to this blog. If you join me by reading along with my journey, I hope you take away some new perspectives on addiction and compulsion, as well as separation and connection. Please comment and let me know if you are interested in my philosophical approach to recovery.